Unreciprocated Valentine

It’s just too hard to forget you.

You were everything to me,

and to deny myself proves nothing.

I love you–

but what “love” can that be?

You are not my friend, my brother,

my acquaintance, nor, obviously, my lover.

I do not understand

this thing I feel–I cannot comprehend.

It simmers beneath the surface,

and it scares me, for I have no name to give it.

It “feels” like love, it “looks” like love,

but it cannot be.

I no longer care if you notice me,

and I don’t pretend you do.

I care more for you, that you’re doing ok,

that you’re happy.

I no longer feel the butterflies,

but I still enjoy spending time with you.

Is this friendship?

No, it’s far too strong for that.

Is this affection?

Perhaps, but it doesn’t sit well.

It’s not love– it’s not selfish enough.

It scares me.

I love you–

but what does that mean?

[Almaty, Kazakhstan, on February 14, 2010]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s