One of Those Days

“What do I do about that?”
“You’re a writer. You know what to do.”
“No, I don’t.”
Jordan looked at me with his furrowed brow again. “You put something on the page,” he said. “Your life is a blank page. You write on it.”

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

Do you ever have days when it seems like no matter what you do, you just wasted the day? I feel like today was very productive, and yet here at the end, I feel very insecure about myself.

Maybe it’s because it’s Monday. Maybe it’s because I appear to be perpetually jobless. Maybe it’s because I just did all the tedious, normal, everyday things that are necessary but uninteresting.

Whatever the case, I feel stagnant.

I keep talking to God about the many different confusing, wonderful, beautiful, chaotic aspects of my life, and all I hear is simply,

Be still.

The more I try to be still, the more I feel my life humming through my body, wanting to burst from my fingertips, my mouth, my eyes – wanting to be free and vibrant. The more I try to be still, the more I want to move. I want to live and be rash and impatient and foolish.

Be still.

Be still. How can I be still when there is all this life within me that is being wasted?

Be still – but when I’m still, that’s when all the thoughts and the doubts and the fears and lies consume me. When I’m still, there’s nothing to distract me.


3 thoughts on “One of Those Days

  1. What if “be still” means something different?
    …I can relate to the restlessness, to the feelings of having wasted time, and the constant whirr of my thoughts. I have severe attention-span issues, so much so that when I pray for more than a few seconds I have to pray through writing. Sometimes, I think, literal stillness may be important, but there seems to be another kind too.
    “Stillness” may have less to do with activity or thoughts and more to do with where I am focused. If I’m focused on myself, it is impossible to be still, likewise if I am focused on things and happenings. Only when I am focused outside myself and on Him do I suddenly find that I am “still.”
    I have noticed that this kind of stillness does something strange to time. When I’m “still” in the way I think God means, time seems to appear around me like a bubble. It’s the weirdest thing I have ever encountered (which is saying something), as if it blows the heck out of all temporal theory. And in that stillness, I have a free hand and a free mind. Perhaps stillness has more to do with one’s state than one’s level of activity. You can be active and live life and be “still” all at once, letting God quiet the fears and lies that you are better able to identify and dismiss in the stillness.
    I feel my words are wandering and inadequate, but perhaps you can conjure something useful from them. I do not mean that literal stillness is not sometimes necessary, but maybe ask God what He means when He tells you to be still?

    • God bless you, my friend.

      I know I should write a more adequate response to your comment than that, but at the moment, my thoughts aren’t very “still,” and I don’t think I can say what I’d like. Just know that your comment came at a moment of such spectacular timing that I can only say that God was definitely involved. So thank you, and God bless you.

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