I heard and my heart pounded,
My lips quivered at the sound,
Decay crept into my bones,
And my legs trembled.
On Sundays I go to Church and I sing and I pray and I listen and I pray and I respond and I pray and I cry and I pray and I smile and I pray, pray, pray, pray—
And Mondays the world goes topsy-turvy. Your mercies are supposed to be new every morning, but I wake up to days filled with abuse, and even just sheer annoyance.
(Even now, as I write these words, I have had yet one more new worry—and Sunday hasn’t even finished. God, I’m scared for the weeks to come if this pattern continues.)
The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.
I hear complaints, I hear bitterness and despair, I hear anger and dejection—I am surrounded by dried souls, and I am desperate for the rain.
You’ve spoken quietly to me, God. You’ve asked me questions, provoked me to truly consider your words.
You whisper beautiful dreams to me as I sleep, but I awake to nightmares of drudgery and harsh realities.
I am so weak. Pathetic. I tremble at the wind.
Your dreams come with a price, God, and I don’t know if I have the strength to pay.
God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
You give me dreams that make my heart beat fast and true, my mind clear, and my soul sing, yet in the next breath I find myself trapped behind solid walls.
I know that I’m not alone. I know that you’re with me, and that through you I have strength to do all things. I believe this, and I have evidence of it. Your presence is as constant as the sunrise.
But sometimes I don’t understand you. Why do you say one thing, and allow another?
I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.
God, please remember me. Please remember the great things you have promised me. The things that have moved my heart and have burned within my heart. You have done such wonderful things in my life already, and I am humbled by the depth of your love.
And sometimes the place I’m at is at a loss for words–
If I think of something worthy, I know that its already yours.
And through the times I’ve faded and you’ve outlined me again,
You’ve just patiently waited, to bring me back…